Thursday, November 15, 2012

I'm a Proper Wargamer!

Okay, so I was perusing the offerings over at Grayhawk Grognard recently and he mentioned that he'd taken the quiz on offer at The Wargaming Site entitled "Are you a proper Wargamer?"  Well, as I have mentioned in some of my earlier posts I started my career as a gamer with historical wargaming, both boardgaming and miniatures.  Thus I felt that I must "Man Up" and take the quiz; here are my answers to the two parts combined.

To genuinely call yourself a Wargamer, then you must have done most or all of the following;

* Spent at least £500 on figures / tanks - and you get extra kudos for every £500 you've spent
Um, yeah, definitely

* Pricked your finger or thumb on a pike block - several times
Oh yeah; pikes, lances, bayonets, and swords.

* Tried at least 10 different rule sets and vowed never to play half of them ever again
Yeah, I'm "that guy"

* Bought an army off EBay
Yes I have

* Sold an army on EBay
Yes indeed

* spent months painting an army - then used it in anger once
Sadly yes (although I later sold them for a profit)

* tried several different periods and genres
Well, duh!

* dropped a box of figures on the floor from a great height
You had to remind me

* lost a battle on the last throw of the dice
You had to remind me of that one too

* made at least one enemy for life
Nope, not that kind of gamer

* had a proper, stand up argument over a wargamers table
Back in high school; it sort of goes with the territory, which is why I moved on to RPGs

* thrown a dice across a room
Hmm, maybe, way back in high school; I'm not really the fly-off-the-handle type.

* rebased an army for a different rule set
Yeah, and it sucked

* inflicted a whopping defeat on an opponent
Been on both ends of that

* suffered an embarrassing defeat due to a stupid tactical decision
Yeah, using a borrowed army I'd never played before

* joined a wargamers club
Joined?  Hell, I co-founded one!

* bought a ton of lead that remains unpainted
Stop reminding me of that!

* been to a wargamers show
On numerous occasions, thanks for asking!

* have more dice than is logical or necessary to own - and have used most of them
Well, hey, you never know when you might need them

* have taken boxes of troops down to a club just to show them off to your mates
Umm, isn't that half the reason to join a club?

* You have reference books on each period / army you play (I must have ten samurai books now)
Is this a trick question?

* Having played so many different games you confidently quote rules for a totally different period, scale or ruleset to the one you're playing at that moment
Not really

* You have lied to your partner / spouse about how much you've spent on the hobby (When my wife saw my painting table, I told her that Vallejo paints are only 75p each - I'm going to Hell...).
No, but then I've mostly sold all my historical minis for more painted than what they cost unpainted

* You get genuinely excited when a package arrives in the post - then hide it upstairs quickly before your partner sees it.  If your partner finds it first, you lie about the contents.
Umm...can we turn that camera off now please.

* You have joined a re-enactment society (5 points for this one!)
Yup, American Revolutionary War, but quickly tired of the camping out part of it.

* You have played in an unsuitable venue (I have played in a wooden pavilion in the middle of winter where we had to keep coats, scarves and gloves on to play - and in a social club where we used the pool table as a battlefield (making us the most unpopular people in Wallasey).  I have since vowed only to play where both heat and beer are accessible and in plentiful supply.
The study hall at boarding school: huge, drafty, obnoxious passers-by intruding

* You continue to search for the perfect Napoleonic / WW2 / Ancients / ACW etc. rule set (knowing that it doesn't actually exist).
My soulmate rules are out there somewhere and someday we'll be together and happy forever.

* For that reason you have developed your own house rules for certain periods.  And think them far superior to the original author's efforts.
Umm, they are superior to the original author's efforts, thanks for noticing =)

* You have returned from a wargames show and sneaked upstairs to hide the stash.
I didn't mean to spend that much in the dealer sort of...happened.

* You have an irrational aversion to some genres and vow never to play them regardless of how much fun they look.  Like Dystopian Wars, 6mm Napoleonics, Warhammer 40k, Malifaux etc.
Make mine a Wild West, shaken not stirred

* You have made your own wargames scenery.
Well, yeah.  Who hasn't made their own scenery?

* You have reached a painting 'wall' ("If I have to paint another f________ Gaul, I'm going to scream")
Stop, my fingers are cramping up again just thinking about it (Napoleonic French, if you must know)

* You have lost - and regained - your wargaming mojo.

* You have the occasional (and short lived) sense of guilt with your wife/children when complaining to them about the money spent in clothes, shoes or toys/Xbox games when you have £200 of unpainted metal stuffed in an upstairs drawer.
Yeah, but it's all sold now

* You have done armies in different scales for the same period (e.g. ACW in 28mm, 15mm and 6mm).
My downfall was Napoleonics: 20mm, then 15mm, then 6mm. 

* You have jealously coveted someone else's troops (if Ian pops his clogs, I'll be round his house with a Transit van before he hits the ground).
Well, the widow might need help with funeral expenses...

* You have laughed (secretly or otherwise) as someone else's paint job (Marks' purple camels come to mind)
They were horses in a weird shade of orange, actually (Hi Kevin!)

* You have provided a piece of useless trivia relating to the troops on the table to show off your wargaming knowledge. 
I object to the term "useless trivia"; the basis of wargaming is the preservation and transmission of historical military knowledge of all types.

* You have contradicted someone else's trivia - demonstrating your superior knowledge and giving you a warm glow inside.
Why, yes, I have.  I mean, you can just let that sort of thing pass unchallenged (can you?).

* You have caused a major disaster on a wargames table (spilling a pint, collapsing the table, dropped someone else's figures on the floor).  Mark has flattened two tables in the past year - and he was losing both battles....
Hmm, not a really major disaster that I remember; plenty of minor mishaps over the years

* You have cheered when an opponent's dice lets them down at a critical point (I have literally danced in front of someone when he failed a morale roll)
Yup, but they pay it right back as soon as they get the chance

* You have lied to your partner about going gaming.  "Mothers' not very well - just popping around to see her.  I'll be back in about - oh - seven hours".
Nope, no real need

* You have lied to an attractive woman (man) about your hobby. 
No, didn't really come up

* You have made an opponent cry.  It doesn't count if they are under 8 years old though.

* You have painted the same army in the same scale more than once (Monty, you dawg!) 
(Similar question above, I'll say it's a yes here too)

* You have reference books on armies you haven't even got (I have books on ECW, ACW, SYW, 30YW yet not one solitary figure for any of these periods).
Yes, but I'm a history buff too

* You have bought figures for a period you have never and will never play - because they were cheap.  Step forward my HOTT dwarf and evil goblin armies.
No, never bought any wargaming stuff because it was cheap

* You have inflicted grevious bodily harm on a dice that has let you down.  This includes the guy who used to drill holes in them and impale the offenders on cocktail-stick stakes and Big Lee taking an axe to one offender.
Nope, but I have put dice aside after too many bad rolls because they'd clearly lost their mojo.  I mean, just look at them.

* You blog or have a web-page about your Wargaming activities
Nope, don't really wargame any more

* Your book collection is almost all war and wargames related

Used to have a fairly very heavy contingent, but never larger than my sci-fi novels collection.  Now I have far more RPG books that wargaming ones.

* You critique 'war' movies (especially Hollywood war movies) for historical accuracy (like the use of American tanks - Pershings I think - to represent German Panzers in the 'Battle of the Bulge'.)

You have to be firm with those people or they'll spout all sort of nonsense--even right in front of impressionable young children.

* You spend car / train journeys checking out the lie of the land - considering which way you would attack from and whether it would make good wargaming terrain.

Constantly...and stop looking at me like that.

No comments:

Post a Comment